I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
