My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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