saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
