come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
