So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
