Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
