she woke up with a sticky ear
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
