He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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