What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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