I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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