he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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