Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
