cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
