69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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