Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
