woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
