I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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