Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
