I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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