do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
