i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
