I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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