I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
