If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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