I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
