Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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