Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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