you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
