Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
