her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
