my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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