i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
