Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
