Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
