There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
