just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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