she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
