Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
