There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize