I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
