I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
