ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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