the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
