We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
