So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
