New invention idea: vibrating tampons
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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