Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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