Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
