Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
