I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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