i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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