he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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