he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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