she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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