Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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