I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
