Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
