how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
