He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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