Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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