i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
