i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
