He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
