I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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