It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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