I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
