whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Bring me that man meat
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
