Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
