Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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