I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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