I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
