peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
