Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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