I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
a search helicopter?!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
