I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
