1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
