I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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