your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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