yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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