Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
