You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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