i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
