so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
