last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
