I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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