i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
