dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
