i'm signing you up for texting rehab
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
