Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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