so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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