It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
