hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
