alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
