Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
