i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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