Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
