I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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